He’s not really sure how to be single but he’s goddamn happy he is, and he’s sure as hell going out tonight.He’s also the arch-nemesis of The Resigned Fiance, who’s in an equally unhappy relationship but just kind of kept going with it, unable to resist the sweet, sweet inertia, and who most certainly does not want to hear about The New Lease On Life Guy’s latest exploits.The Total Package has a hell of a career going, but don’t you for a second suggest that The Total Package would be a workaholic—The Total Package is a family man.

30 year old dating a 22 year old-87

He’s also not quite sure why everyone who knows him is trying to figure out “what the problem is.” His parents are worried, never wasting an opportunity to ask him if he’s been dating anyone.

His friends want to help, setting him up on dates every chance they get.

Through high school, college and his twenties, he was always The Guy With A Girlfriend.

He spent years enjoying pitying his single friends, and somehow, he’s now 30 and single.

But The Guy Who Peaked Too Early was just getting started.

There was a field that needed to be played, and he broke up with his girlfriend when he was 24.

He has four online dating profiles, and when people ask him if he’s dating anyone, he explains that he’s just too busy with his career right now for a relationship.

The In-The-Closet Guy is so close to being the perfect catch—he’s handsome, he’s well-dressed, and he has a great job. The only tiny little inconvenience is that he’s not attracted to females whatsoever.

Now it’s seven years later, his hair got bored and left, and his high school lacrosse glory isn’t part of the conversation that much these days.

And he’s noticing that girls like his ex-girlfriend don’t seem to be all that into him anymore.

Realizing this about five years after everyone else, he takes a deep sigh and cranks his standards down a few big notches.